Sunday, July 17, 2005

for u!! alicia!!!

this is for u!!! alicia!!! my final words as someone who cares!!!


i dunno wat is happening!!! i realli dun!!! 1 min you are like so angry and annoyed and the next min u r like so sad!!! i always wan u to tell me those probs.... but u didn't!!! and i can't do anything else!!!
wat can i do??? i can't do anything!!! none of it!!! and i starting thinking wat possibly is the probs she face that she dun even dare to tell me!!!
iszzit some sort of gang thing??? no as the alicia i noe steer way off from gangs!!!
iszzit some girl being pregnant and wanting ur help???
i remb that she told me of one pregnant fren!! 2 in fact!!! but 1 is gone!!! she has to go to her hse to comfort her!!! but is this prob too hard to settle??? i dun think so!!!
iszzit because of her fren who died??? should not be!!! as she is already dead and alicia muz have gotten over it!!!


den wat???
wat???
i wanna shout out loud!!! i wanna make this prob we r facing now my fault!!! or anything!!! juz make it my fault!!! i could at least blame myself, punch myself or wat!!! but this is not my fault!!! and not alicias'!!!! i noe she tried her best to be with me!!! but things juz get out of hand!!!

i can't feel anything now!!! no fear!!! no anger!!! no sadness!!! no pain!!! i juz feel so hollow!!! empty!!! is this call si lian??? no!!!! this breakup isn't our fault!!! we dun wan it!!! realli!!!
i remb the time when my ex say that we have to break!!! not becos of me!!! and not becos of her!!! her father had always wan to sent her overseas for further studies!!! and so we have to break!!! now this!!! when i haven completely recover from her now this!!! is this fate??? destiny??? our future???
she say that she is not worthy of love!!! not worthy of it!!!NOT WORTHY!!!
do not love me!!! she says!!! i am not worthy of it!!! she says!!!
but can i?
can i? when ur face flash through my mind every few secs??? when ur voice ring across my ears every day???
i realli dunno wat to do!!! should i continue to love her??? or should i juz give up and let myself suffer all the pain myself!!! letting her settle her probs!!! at least she wont be bothered by me!!! she can concentrate on her tests!!! and not risk getting low marks!!!
yeah!!! i think i did that!!! cause i stood by my promise!!! not to let u suffer!!! not to let u feel sad!!!
but i broke my other promise!!! not to let u feel alone!!! well!!! this!!! i think i will juz pass it to her ex!!! adam!! i think!!! i dun wanna think liao!!! i realli dun!!! but i have to keep thinking!!! think again!!! and again!!! as y she shorten the limit of 3 yrs to juz 3 days!!! so cruel!!! so heartless!!! so cold!!! not giving me any chance of getting close to her!!!
i feel that i am on a race!!! a race to not win alicia's heart!!! but to grap hold of her probs and to smash it hard!!! but i can't!!! as you keep running away from me!!! taking ur troubles along!!! i dunno y!!! she is scared that her probs will affect me!!! but to me her probs r juz papers!!! and i have a pair of scissors!!! and i can cut her probs away... juz giv me 5 secs!!! and i can do it!!! but u may told me!!! this is not normal paper!!! it is steel sheets!!! and a normal scissors can't possibly cut it!!! SO WAT???? i can bollow a pair of snipers and cut it all the same!!! juz give me 10 secs!!! and i can have it done 4 u!!! but u dun trust me!!! u dun!!! u think that my scissors r fake!!! make of paper too!!! juz for show!!! unable to use it!!!
i dunno!!! maybe u r realli thinking bout this???
wa!!!! the pain!!!
i can finally feel the pain!!!
the pain in my heart!!!
it is like u juz tore alicia pic straight out from my heart!!! nth can describe the pain from something being tore out!!! NTH!!!
FINALLY, ALICIA!!! IF U R READING THIS MESSAGE WHEN U HAVEN GONE TO EAST COAST DEN LOOK OUT FOR ME!!! I WILL BE THERE!!! NOT TO LOOK FOR U!!! BUT TO JUZ WATCH U FROM AFAR!!! LIKE WAT I ALWAYS DO!!!

posted by TSUBASACHRIS @ 2:11 AM



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