Thursday, February 02, 2006

haiz...

till todae... den i realised how easily sastified i can be... if i can be with the one i love... and i can talk happily with her... no matter if they are making fun of me... i feel that the dae isn't so bad at all...


i had enough of the negliance... i wan stop... i realise i have been shouting at the rooftop more often... losing my temper more easily over something stupid... worrying like siao when i heard she may be sad or wat....

all this over a girl??? i dun believe i will sank so low into this relationship...
i dun even wan to think bout her...

i feel like i am a girl... juz silently waiting... not doing anything... try to tell some of my frens bout this... ignoring the insults i may get... more concern on how i am going to emerge from this mess without having to hurt her... but den suddenly i feel... wat if i abandon her and juz go... i will be letting her down... i dun wan to do that...

i am desperatly struggling... struggling for breath... i am tired... so emotionally tired that i can't even summon any energy to juz try and think more about it...


my fren and me tok bout her... i was in 2 minds... one part is furiously agreeing on wat he said... the other... silently denying the facts...
i have enough of her... dun even wanna be near her when i can help it... i nid a rest... i deserved it...

our group is seperating... going our seperate ways... because of we 2... i am so afraid of this happening... i have been warned this may happen... but...

last time... i still make weak movements to resist to the seperation... but... now... i juz feel... let it be ba... since i am the onie one who cares... and she is running away further from me...

i remember writing in this very blog that i have been in a race... trying to follow u and run to u... yet... no matter how i try... i find that i can onie juz grap air... i can't even touch u... i run faster... u speed up... i slowed down... u too slowed down... it is as if u are taunting me... and i feel that i am such a fool... i am tired... realli tired... though i am walking now... i dunno when i will stop and juz let u go...

struggling for a decision... i dun even noe wat to do... one part says... juz leave her alone... the other part... continue running... u will reach her...

but will i??? preservance will not get u anywhere...
when there is a will...there will be a way... this dun suit me too...

i still believe u can call out my name...

in ur dearest memories... do u remember loving me???
no... i should ask... do u even remember me???

tired.... miserable.... weeks upon weeks of mounting disappointment...







guess... i will have to let u go... i have no choice... NO CHOICE AT ALL... nth i do seems to move u... and i dun seem to have any more energy to do anything anymore... i am so tired.... tired...
tired...tired...tired...tir..................................

posted by TSUBASACHRIS @ 10:11 PM



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