Thursday, July 20, 2006

trying hard... but i am too tired!!!

wat is the defination of trying hard?? i think of this question for a long time already. is it juz coming to school everyday and be so cheeky to teachers that teachers fear to see u and try to avoid u? is it not coming to school and staying at home reading ur own notes??? is it by saying dunno u try to slack??? or is it juz trying to escape from work by saying" i have no mood to do that now" i realli dunno wat the hell is trying hard anymore...

i guess everyone has a way of trying hard... his or her own way of trying hard... others may not see that he or she is trying hard... but in fact... he or she is trying as hard as possible... well i dunno... cause i cannot be that person... i can't argue against myself to justify ur actions...cause ur actions has already pass the boundaries of normal thinking.

i am so damn stressed and tired now... my oop has slackened... i trying my best to catch up with oop... i accepted critiscm that i have not been listening in class... i accepted... because i am guilty of it... i wanna catch up... but i does not help when ppl juz try to shove more work ur way...

i am tired... realli... i force myself to get up from my bed and wear my smelly slippers to sch... i force myself to smile and say"nvm... i am not angry with u guys" i force myself to try and understand ppl... when my gut feeling is that those guys out there are juz trying to get an A without any real hard work putted in... I AM TIRED!!! realli... i wish i can juz rest for a day and not come to sch... let my mind rest and things... but... i can't... work is piling up... work that isn't mine is piling up!!! i have to do... i muz do... for others... and for myself... i realli dun like to do this... but i will do it... if thats wat u guys wan me to do...i value others more den myself... i wan others happier den me... i wan to noe that their happiness is all brought by me... i wan such a sense of achievement... i wan to juz help them bit by bit... lessen their burden bit by bit...

i hate fights... i hate quarrels... i love peace... i like peace... i dun wanna give up peace juz to say that i am right... i rather let the whole world thinks that i am wrong... if that can be exchanged for peace... i willingly give up my right to prove that i am correct... yet... i can't bear it anymore... but i still like peace... wat should i do??? throw my feelings here... that is the only thing i can do... to stop myself froming flaring up... to stop myself from jumping down... i wanna escape... i dun wanna be me anymore... this stress... this agony... this god damn stupid sense of peace-loving... i wan to noe how to hate ppl... i wanna noe how to scold ppl back... i wanna noe how to tell ppl off when i am correct... i love all that... but i can't do that... i wanna ask tjk lots of ques todae... but ppl call me yaya when i ask ques... so i refrain from asking...

i accepted yaya this nickname because i failed to turn up for that soccer match... that i accepted... but for calling me yaya juz because i wanna catch up on studies and ask ques... " wtf is wrong with u ppl!!!!"

gotta get back to e games... i am tired... but i can't slp till janice did her part... i wanna make sure that all of my group mates have finish... den i can slp... others before me... that will be my way of living... though i dun like this way of living... but compared to ppl who can hurt those they meant to hurt... i prefer this way of living better...

posted by TSUBASACHRIS @ 11:57 PM



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