Thursday, July 28, 2005
how long muz i give my best!!! but length does not seem to be the problem
i give my 100%... and i dun expected u to do that!!! not 90%!!! i juz wan u to give me 1% of ur love!!!
i told u to shutup!!! do u ever noe y? u r doing harm to urself!!! and more when times crawled by!!!
if a relationship is binded by rules and regulations, den it is more of locking ourself together!!!
rule 1: dun tell me to shut up!!!
rule 2: dun .......
WTF!!!!
i care for u even maybe even more then my frens and family members!!!
i wanna noe whether u r happy or burden by troubles!!!
i hate to see u sad!!! i hate to see u angry!!! and i will do anything to make u happy again!!!
i do noe that maybe i tell u to shut up is wrong!!! but do u still recall wat r u doing before that??? u are degrading urself!!! ENOUGH!!!!
do u noe that today i suffer all the negative emotions a human has suffer??
worried!!! angry!!! heartbroken!!! miserable!!! lonely!!! or the negative emotions has all been inflicted on me!!!
i wanna noe wat is wrong!!! I REALLI WANNA NOE!!!
maybe juz for a little!!! maybe juz for a while!!! anything!!! if u tried, u can succeed!!! but u r not trying!!! and i will be like pulling someone who dun wan to be pulled!!!!
maybe u will say... juz let me fall!!! let me fall!!! i am not worth of anything!!!!
WAT???
stop giving me all this crap!!! the onie thing u nid to noe is that i love u!!! and no matter wat u do or wan me to do, i will not give up on u!!! cause i may juz be ur last hope!!! and i am not going to risk u falling!!!
i dun give up!!! the choice of giving up has already been rejected by me!!! i have walked and falled too far into this relationship!!! be it that i will be hurt!!! be it that i will be heartbroken at the end!!! always my top priority is to see u happy!!! not being together with u!!!
so i will continue trying!!! and i will!!!
u said that i have nth to do with u!!! so be it!!! juz take it that a stranger is offering concern!!! wadever u wan to treat me as!!! beat me, slap me or even hurt me!!! i dun care!!! my job is to care for u and i muz and will do this job of mine!!!
now maybe i am realli heartbroken!!! maybe!!! but it will not affect my care and concern for u!!! this is ur fate!!! accept it!!!!
posted by TSUBASACHRIS @ 8:26 PM
messed up today!!!!
WTF!!! i really messed up today!!! i noe i give a bad impression to her!!! and i give her a feeling that i dun wanna change!!! haiz!!!! i really wanna change!!! i noe from the beginning that i should change!!! and trying my best!!! but this few days i am really quite tired!!! maybe because of this i screwed up and turned up late and all sweaty!!!
HAIZ!!! u turned all cold towards me!!! cold i dun care!!!! juz go and maintain ur health!!! as i can't stand u being hungry or sick, i have to interfere!!! even if u dun wan me or angry with me!!!
posted by TSUBASACHRIS @ 1:20 PM
Monday, July 25, 2005
999/9999
writing them is difficult!!! but the rewards r great!!! LOL!!! see!!! i am thinking of the rewards now!!! haiz!!! wat the hell have happen to me!!!
time is really running against me now!!! alot of things to do at hand!!! things that required proper thoughts and straightened out feelings!!!
failing to do any of that will result in breaking the promise i wanna keep to them!!!
haiz!!!
who ask me to be ming kang a.k.a chris??? haiz!!! so helpful and dun wanna break ppl promises!!!
wa!!!! stress le la!!!! now realli very stress!!! but nvm!!!
i have decided le!!! after i write finish le, and pass the test of her, den i start to delay for time!!! maybe i am too confident le!!! maybe i am thinking!!! if i take, i sure pass!!! so i will ask for time!!! after that den i go take the test!!! i am too overconfident le!!! now i noe the test will not be held regularly and onie now!!! so i will try my best to prepare for the test and scored for full marks!!! den after i pass le den i ask for time!!! den this will be fair for both of us!!!
hahaha!!! thinking back, i was really very bu yao lian!!! now i have to revert back to the ways of checking my every action and words before i do them!!! i am back at the cultivating stage!!!where every wrong move will result in the death of the seed!!! i am really lucky to get this second chance!!! most dun hav!!! and i will treasure this chance!!!
LOL!!! maybe because i am too confident of ur feelings towards me and start to neglect wat kind of fertilsers and how much water i put in!!! now the plant dies!!! but there still remains one more seed!!!LUCKY ME!!!! LOL!!!
posted by TSUBASACHRIS @ 9:50 PM
before, during, and after!!!
be4 the conversation, i was like..... hmmm.... wat should i write bout the 999!!! i am thinking!!! i will write one 999 and pass it to u!!! den i write another 9999 in sercet!!! and pass u that fine day when u accept me!!! hahaha!!!
well... that is before the conversation!!! during the conversation.... i was like!!! WTF!!! 5 OUT OF 10??? I PASS!!!! but u say feeling regretfull and reluctance will also fail u the test!!! i was like.... oh!!!! my!!!!god!!!! u misundersand me!!!! i dun wan u to feel indebted to me somehow!!!! i dun wan this 999 or 9999 to lock u down!!! cause i realli sense something is wrong with her!!! i noe that if i write this, i will lock u down by force and not caring at all bout that prob of urs!!! i wan to noe u better!!! as a fren!!! cause things will be clouded when we advanced to the stage of bfgfs!!! i fear that that day will come when we break up because of not noeing each other well enough!!! i realli juz wan a secure relationship.... maybe more then u!!i think...
i wan to noe all things is out of the way be4 i start!!! i have experienced those hurtful days where we juz rush to wat we wan to do!!! now i will think!!! and think!!! be4 i act!!! to ensure ur safety and mine!!!
after the conversation... i giv up on her!!! temporarilly!!! cause i wanna now and look into the probs between us!!! thats is why i say i am not prepared for the test!!!
i will not go for any test without preparations!!! especially when it concern the happiness of the girl i care so much about!!! i dun wan anything to jeoperdise her happiness!!! and of cos i will not do it myself!!!
hope that after u read this, u will understand and giv me and us both some time to think and consider!!!
P.S----- dun believe anything when i say i wanna giv u up!!! hahaha!!! because u fall for it twice... i have to tell u!!! LOL!!!
posted by TSUBASACHRIS @ 9:25 PM
Thursday, July 21, 2005
furious!!!!!!!!!
i am so f***ing furious when i heard or seen that they have kiss and hugged!!! well!!! now when i think back!!! i feel sad and discouraged when i heard that they r close to each other!!!
cause i sort of expected it!!! cause of the number of times she tok bout her ex during the phone calls we have!!! i still noe that she likes him and still isn't able to get over him!!! but i dun seem to care then!!! cause it is not happening at that moment!!! but now??? haiz!!!
u mention that if i give up----?????
somehow i sense that u dun wan be to give up!!!
and so i would not!!!
<----how long muz i give my best since the road in front is so tough!!!------>
posted by TSUBASACHRIS @ 9:58 PM
wat i wan i dun even noe!!!!
i was afraid that it would happen!!!! i noe that if i get too close i will not be logical in my thinking!!! cause i wan her to be happy initially!!! AND I NOW I WAN TO BE WITH HER!!! well!!! but still wan her to be happy!!! so now i dunno whether to give up or not!!! even though i noe rite from the start that this will happen sooner or later!!!! since her ex had said that he can't concentrate in sch!!! i noe it will happen!!!
so now wat i wan actually??? one thing is i am scared that her ex will do the same thing to her!!! and she will be heartbroken again!!! and that time i would not be able to console her le!!! since that time and this time is different liao!!!! seeing her happy is my top priority now but i would also wan to be with her!!!! DIAOZ!!!! this is the exact thing i am so scared of!!!! cause i could not control myself and would try my best to woo her back!!! this would place her with so much stress and i would not wan her to be that way!!!
things have become so complicated now!!!
dun even wan to think bout it now!!! as my frens juz leave me alone in this room!!! my laughter juz now is a fake!!! my smiles r gestures of fear!!! i am scared that wat will happen if she is taken away from me!!! i have been warned of the exact same thing!!!! by my frens!!! now i fall rite into the trap they told me and warned me about!!! haiz!!! love can be illogical!!! i finally believe this phrase!!!
sometimes i thought to myself!!! wat if i never confessed my feelings!!!! wat if we didn't get together!!! will her ex flew back and say he wanna patch up??? the little ppl in my brain all shouted: NO!!!! HE WOULD NOT!!! SHE IS JUZ A SHOE HE THROW AWAY!!! FINDING SOMEONE HAS TAKEN IT UP HE THINK" WAT I THROW AWAY I WOULD NOT LET OTHERS HAVE IT" SO I WILL HAVE TO BREAK THE BOTH OF THEM AND LET HER BE WITH ME!!!
well!!! thats is wat i think now~~!!! and after he succeed in this mission of his he will be back at collage with his flirting with the ''pretty girls"!!!
HOW CAN I LET HER FALL TO HANDS OF SUCH PPL!!! I WOULD NOT!!! BUT DUE TO REASONS STATED ABOVE I DUNNO WAT TO DO!!!
posted by TSUBASACHRIS @ 9:31 PM
feel strange today!!!!
strange in the sense that i never do much today!!! except doing solder for a while!!! well.... dunno wat happen to me nowadays!!! very slpy at the day and very energtic at the nite!!! haha!!! too much games at nite le!!!
well!!! she and her ex is still outside!!! eating things she say!!! well, worried that her ex will do something do her and at the same time feel so silly!!! wat will her ex do anything to her??? in singapore??? hahaha!!! maybe i worry too much!!!
hahaha!!! juz feeling soooo weird now cause i am both worried and jealous!!! hehehe!!! maybe i should not be jealous as they r not doing anything!!!(i hope) well, i noe *she wun do anything!!! but wat if he do something??? and *she can't defend???
hahahaha!!! think too much!!! well!!! end of entry!!! hehehehe!!!!!
<---knowing that we r more den frens has always make me so blissful and happy----->
posted by TSUBASACHRIS @ 2:08 AM
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
maths today!!!!
though i scored quite gd for my test, i dun have quite much confidence in maths den eltech!!! i dunno why!!! juz hope that i can boost my confidence when i saw the paper!!! haiz!!!
YTD i was realli sick!!! i also dunno wat happen!!! maybe i have a cold or something!!! haiz!!!! but now i am in top notch condition!!! ermmm!!! maybe not!!! i have running nose now!!! hahaha!!!LOL!!!
<-- dun wanna think bout the future!!! juz wanna live the now i choose!!!---->
posted by TSUBASACHRIS @ 9:16 AM
Sunday, July 17, 2005
for u!! alicia!!!
this is for u!!! alicia!!! my final words as someone who cares!!!
i dunno wat is happening!!! i realli dun!!! 1 min you are like so angry and annoyed and the next min u r like so sad!!! i always wan u to tell me those probs.... but u didn't!!! and i can't do anything else!!!
wat can i do??? i can't do anything!!! none of it!!! and i starting thinking wat possibly is the probs she face that she dun even dare to tell me!!!
iszzit some sort of gang thing??? no as the alicia i noe steer way off from gangs!!!
iszzit some girl being pregnant and wanting ur help???
i remb that she told me of one pregnant fren!! 2 in fact!!! but 1 is gone!!! she has to go to her hse to comfort her!!! but is this prob too hard to settle??? i dun think so!!!
iszzit because of her fren who died??? should not be!!! as she is already dead and alicia muz have gotten over it!!!
den wat???
wat???
i wanna shout out loud!!! i wanna make this prob we r facing now my fault!!! or anything!!! juz make it my fault!!! i could at least blame myself, punch myself or wat!!! but this is not my fault!!! and not alicias'!!!! i noe she tried her best to be with me!!! but things juz get out of hand!!!
i can't feel anything now!!! no fear!!! no anger!!! no sadness!!! no pain!!! i juz feel so hollow!!! empty!!! is this call si lian??? no!!!! this breakup isn't our fault!!! we dun wan it!!! realli!!!
i remb the time when my ex say that we have to break!!! not becos of me!!! and not becos of her!!! her father had always wan to sent her overseas for further studies!!! and so we have to break!!! now this!!! when i haven completely recover from her now this!!! is this fate??? destiny??? our future???
she say that she is not worthy of love!!! not worthy of it!!!NOT WORTHY!!!
do not love me!!! she says!!! i am not worthy of it!!! she says!!!
but can i?
can i? when ur face flash through my mind every few secs??? when ur voice ring across my ears every day???
i realli dunno wat to do!!! should i continue to love her??? or should i juz give up and let myself suffer all the pain myself!!! letting her settle her probs!!! at least she wont be bothered by me!!! she can concentrate on her tests!!! and not risk getting low marks!!!
yeah!!! i think i did that!!! cause i stood by my promise!!! not to let u suffer!!! not to let u feel sad!!!
but i broke my other promise!!! not to let u feel alone!!! well!!! this!!! i think i will juz pass it to her ex!!! adam!! i think!!! i dun wanna think liao!!! i realli dun!!! but i have to keep thinking!!! think again!!! and again!!! as y she shorten the limit of 3 yrs to juz 3 days!!! so cruel!!! so heartless!!! so cold!!! not giving me any chance of getting close to her!!!
i feel that i am on a race!!! a race to not win alicia's heart!!! but to grap hold of her probs and to smash it hard!!! but i can't!!! as you keep running away from me!!! taking ur troubles along!!! i dunno y!!! she is scared that her probs will affect me!!! but to me her probs r juz papers!!! and i have a pair of scissors!!! and i can cut her probs away... juz giv me 5 secs!!! and i can do it!!! but u may told me!!! this is not normal paper!!! it is steel sheets!!! and a normal scissors can't possibly cut it!!! SO WAT???? i can bollow a pair of snipers and cut it all the same!!! juz give me 10 secs!!! and i can have it done 4 u!!! but u dun trust me!!! u dun!!! u think that my scissors r fake!!! make of paper too!!! juz for show!!! unable to use it!!!
i dunno!!! maybe u r realli thinking bout this???
wa!!!! the pain!!!
i can finally feel the pain!!!
the pain in my heart!!!
it is like u juz tore alicia pic straight out from my heart!!! nth can describe the pain from something being tore out!!! NTH!!!
FINALLY, ALICIA!!! IF U R READING THIS MESSAGE WHEN U HAVEN GONE TO EAST COAST DEN LOOK OUT FOR ME!!! I WILL BE THERE!!! NOT TO LOOK FOR U!!! BUT TO JUZ WATCH U FROM AFAR!!! LIKE WAT I ALWAYS DO!!!
posted by TSUBASACHRIS @ 2:11 AM
Saturday, July 16, 2005
CT NEXT WEEK!!!!
k!!! now stop all the love toking and get down to some work doing!!!!! EL-TECH COMING!!!! still dun have much confidence!!! though i do all the papers liao!!!! haiz!!!! y t-cher never give more???? haiz!!!!
well!!! hope all of u get some pretty high marks and treat whole class to lunch!!! hehe!!!! well!!! i have to get high marks too!!! cause of my tu di!!!! she so smart loh!!! dunno wat to say!!!! haiz!!! always kick my pi gu!!! PAIN!!!!!k la!!!!
muz stop toking liao and get down to studying!!! cya~!!~~!!!!!
<--------letting u noe me bit by bit!!!! and always ready to share ur probs------>
posted by TSUBASACHRIS @ 10:35 PM
Friday, July 15, 2005
we 'patch' back!!! but iszzit gd???
we 'patch' back!!! well.... against lots of reason and incidents but agreeing to one fact that we truely love each other so much!!! this is also one of the reason why we break at the 1st place...
we love each other so much that we wun allow to see each other hurt by the lather!!! thats is wat i wanna noe for now!!! nth else!!! we might be wilful again for the 2nd time but we give the matter serious thought and decide to be together!!! but not really together!!! we r gd frens now!!!
at times, i feel that r we really so anxious to get into a relationship as we see that we onie have 3 yrs as our limit?? maybe we r!!! but we gonna take it slow rite now!!! slow and steady win the race!!! isn't it???
<-------loving every day thats i can take care of u and be there for u!!!------>
posted by TSUBASACHRIS @ 11:41 PM
juz say the word
i am scared that my love for u have become a kind of stress for u!!! i am scared that wat i am fighting for is wat u r scared of!!! so juz say the word!!! i will fang kai all my love for u!!! i dunno if i can!!! but i will try!!!
but maybe u can't say out!!! which is y i will see myself!!! at the rite time, i will realli break my relationship with u!!!
i dunno wat i feeling now!!! hollow??? or juz sad??? i dunno!!!i feel so empty inside!!!
posted by TSUBASACHRIS @ 8:49 PM
dun feel bad!!! or sad!!!
dun feel bad!!! or sad!!! as both of us r willing parties!!! i am willing so it is not ur fault!!! we try to run away from this fact and bluff ourselves that it can work out!!! it is not ur fault but mine!!! i wan to start it!!! now it ended with both of us hurted!!!
i believe that this awdward-ness and shyness can be erased with time!!! wat we nid is juz time!!! nth else!!! we lack nth else!!! juz time for us to noe each other better!!!
SO cheer up like yesterday and study hard for ur exams!!! tu di!!! u muz not let ur shi fu beat u hor!!! k??? +_=!!!
posted by TSUBASACHRIS @ 2:08 PM
Thursday, July 14, 2005
crying is a form of release
cry!!! all u can!!! i noe i can't do anything to soften ur pain!!!
each tears od urs r like knifes to me!!! piercing my heart!!! i noe u r too!!! i noe wat i say will juz hurt u!!! plz!!! meet me tomolo!!! let us settle this out!!! i wanna make sure u r all rite!!! my condition is not important!!! the most important is u!!! i am now worried sick bout u!!!
i guess i can't slp tonite!!! i will be waiting for ur call or message!!! and i will be waiting for u tomolo at ur station!!! 12 noon!!! i wun leave!!! even till i have to wait till nite!!!
posted by TSUBASACHRIS @ 10:23 PM
first move??
i dunno whether i have the courage!!! cos i always do this kind of thing when the mood is rite!!! i feel strange when i kiss u when the time is not rite!!! den i also think you may be offended!!!i am scared of the reaction!!!
dun feel offended!!! this theory is given to me by (i 4get liao)...When in a relationship, a boy is planting a seed(the girl)... waiting for it to bloom(marriage) it can be vice versa!!! i noe!!! in the early stages of growth(relationship) anything can kill the seed!!! so the boy have to take full care of the seed!!! watching it as days goes by!!! as it grow to a strong plant!!! i dun noe whether this theory is correct as my fren say (u compare ur gf to a plant???!!!!????*shock*) but i rather be the plant in this case!!! let u take care of me... let u water me!!! haha... strange theory!!!
well, i dun quite noe wat to write now!!! as our future seem so far!!! well, i also pray that we can have a (hong hong lie lie) relationship... i dun noe if we can end up together!!! it is too far for me to imagine but i am trying my best to walk there!!!
posted by TSUBASACHRIS @ 8:08 PM
this current state???
i dunno!!! i wan to advanced... but afraid of the changes.. i also wan to stay put... but i noe if we continue like this i would be unlike couples... but rite now all i wan is to care and love u with all i could and prevent u from getting hurt or sad!!!
i tell myself that changes happens when it is suppose to happen! maybe it is not time? we feel awdward together... as we juz can't seem to tok face to face... as i see other couple behaving imtimately on the bus or train i can't seem to imagine the two of us doing all that... i dunno... sometimes i ask myself, did she do that with her ex? den y can't she do that to me?? that is when i find out that i am jealous bout her and her ex!!! but i believe that this is not the time to do that!!! i have faith in the next second,the next minute,the next day!!! so i shouldn't ask anymore!!! wat i wan is juz happy memories bout the 2 of us!!! happy onie!!! when she is happy, i am happy!!!
posted by TSUBASACHRIS @ 7:42 PM
i believe in u!!!!!
faith?? beliefs??? i dunno!!!! but rite now, juz believe in me!!! and i believe in u!!! together we will be able to walk through it!!! often, couples break because they dun believe in each other!!! i believed u!!! have faith in u!!! i give everything to u!!! and i noe u will do the same to me!!! i am truely touched bout ur true feelings and the more i believe in the choice that i make!!! with u, i fear nth else!!!
no more tears should be sheded!!!! no more fears should be between us!!! as u bare ur heart to me, and i do the same, there is no more secrets between us!!!4ever!!!!
posted by TSUBASACHRIS @ 1:20 AM
dream???
IF THIS IS A DREAM, I RATHER SLP 4EVER!!! THIS DREAM IS SO NICE!!! SO PERFECT!!!
i and u blend so perfectly together!!! is this fate??? when i 1st saw u, i dun feel anything towards u!!! but as seconds become minutes, as minutes become hours,as hours become days, i feel myself falling deeper and deeper... to where, and how??? i and u noe it best!!!! as we falling into the same place!!!
------------if the world is flat, and we run in different directions, will we meet up again????-----------------------------
that bitter taste is in my mouth too... at my tongue.... as i can still savour it!!! HOW BITTER!!!! but i noe it will be even more bitter when the day come... everlasting??? forever??? i still believe in wat i often tell myself!!!
if we are fated to be together, we will be!!! bout rite now, i dun care!!!!
wat bout fate??? wat bout destiny??? i dun CARE!!!!!!!!!!!! if thats fate, then i shall defy it!!! if that destiny, den i will run away from it!!! rite now, all i wan is to be with u!!! onie u!!! nth else!!!
r u willing to place ur hand on top of mine, as we run towards a future.... a future which we build together...not leaving each other.... always together????
----------the world is round... that i am sure!!!! as we run in seperate directions, we will eventaully meet up again!!! THAT I AM SURE!!!---------
posted by TSUBASACHRIS @ 12:47 AM
that song again!!!
after reading wat u wrote, i rem the 1st 3 lines of the song!!!
they say it is happier not knowing anything,but
i'm sure that i wouldn't be sastified, thats why!!!
i want to live the now that i chose, just that...
i realli dun understand love!!! so sweet it can be, so bitter it can last!!!
meeting u is sweet, leaving u is bitter!!!! i wan to live the now i choose!!! juz that!!! but i do agree with the 1st 2 lines!!! it is truely happier not noeing u will be moving overseas!!! i rather u go quietly!!! with some pain, but not as much as i!!! and if i can, i rather i take away all ur pain... let me suffer all the pain myself!!! as i wan to see u happy!!! always!!!
if the road u choose comes to a dead end, den lose urself here and there!!!
posted by TSUBASACHRIS @ 12:25 AM
tears of love!!!
i shivered!!!! rite now i am still shivering!!! shivering from the fear of losing u!!!how i wish u r here now!!! with ur hand tightly in mine!!!
i am hearing the song rite now!!! the new song by see-saw!!! the last 2 lines of it goes like this!!!
How long muz i give my best?
With the two of us we'll definitely be able to finish this!!!
and i start to think to myself!!! wat happen after we finish this???
wat will happen??? how i long that (this) refers to our reationship!!! being able to finish our relationship!!! unable to see the limit of us!!! but i noe it is unlikely as that (this) refers to our diploma!!! ngee ann keep us together!!! but once we out of it, will we be together???
BUT I WILL TRY MY BEST!!! MY VERY BEST!!! U MUZ HAVE FAITH IN ME!!! i realli wan to be with u!!!! as i wan more happy memories bout us together!!! so i keep wanting to ask u out!!! i noe it is selfish of me!!! not caring bout ur parents... i lied!!! as i say it is fine that u go out with ur mum... how i long to see u tomolo!!!
and u told me u will be coming to sch tomolo!!! my spirits soared!!! i can see u tomolo again!!! ur smile, ur face, ur cuteness,ur everything!!! when did i become like this??? after i meet u??? no!!!! after my eyes can't seem to leave u??? no!!!! it start happening when my heart breaks when u tell me u have a bf!!! it truely hurts!!! how painful i can still rem!!!! i dun wanna go through that moment!!! i realli dun wan!!! but i noe i muz!!!
posted by TSUBASACHRIS @ 12:02 AM
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
3 YEARS!!!!
3 YEARS!!! LONG OR SHORT??? I DUN EVEN WANNA THINK BOUT IT!!! MY WHOLE MOOD SEEM TO GO DOWN WITH IT!!! AS I SEE THE LIMIT TO OUR RELATIONSHIP!!!
u are going overseas... overseas!!!! it is so far away!!! i dunno if i can reach u... but i am lock behind NS bars, i can't follow u!!! no matter how i try to struggle!!!
but that is one thing!!! i promised that i onie wan to see u happy!!! loving someone is not having her, but to see her happy!!! thats is wat i keep on telling myself when she is still with her ex!!! all i can do at that time is tosee u at class!!! being happy and mxing around with ur frens!!! while i watch u from afar!!! sad but happy noeing u r in good hands!!! but wat if i am in NS??? u will be lonely... u will be unhappy!!! i noe i will try to sastify u!!! but can i??? if that happens, i rather u be with others... happy and not lonely!!!!
do u believe this??? i cried!!!! when i write this!!! as i noe it is inevitable!!! no matter how strong i may seem to be, i simply break down!!! as i love u so much!!!!
posted by TSUBASACHRIS @ 11:48 PM
can i see u???
CAN I SEE U??? JUZ FOR 1 HR? 1 MIN? OR EVEN 1 SECOND!!! ALL I WAN IS TO SEE UR FACE, BUT CAN I??
we can onie see each others on sch days!!! now is study break!!! so i can't even watch u from afar!!! i realli wan to go to ur hse and watch u from outside... but i noe i can't... both of us have to study... and we make a pact that we muz beat each other in the test!!! BUT CAN I???? IN THIS STATE??? i hate myself for this... as i can't think rationally when it comes to u!!!! things i noe i can't do i will do!!! but i am controlling it rite now!!! but i dunno how long can i endure this!!! i am scared that once sch reopen, i can't control myself to hug u!!! this is my current feelings!!!! confused,puzzled,happy,sad,disappointed!!!
posted by TSUBASACHRIS @ 11:40 PM
dunno wat to say!!!!
sometimes on the bus, on the train, at hse, at somewhere i try to think of something to tell u... finally have the chance to write...
but strange leh!!! dunno wat to say now!!! sometimes, when i wake up
i feel strange... iszzit because of the fan, or something?? i dunno!!! but i juz wake up and wash up!!!! but as soon as my mind is clear i start thinking bout someone!!! to the extent that i can't even do my revision...
well, when does me chris become like this??? i dun even noe myself!!!
posted by TSUBASACHRIS @ 4:47 PM