Thursday, February 23, 2006
things have realli come to an end... i can understand y i am such a failure... how words and actions can so affect a person... i have hurt someone... someone... who is also close to me... i realli am sry bout this... HONTO SUNIMASEH...(TRUELY SRY)...
guess i wun be studying later... since i hav such an impact... have to go and watch the stars again... to calm myself... and to pray for someone forgivness...
truely... i dunno i am hurting her... i thought she would not be affected by all those cheeks... wrong move... maybe i have always treat her as a guy... *smile* remembering the days where i thought u have went into the wrong toilet... anyway... i realli shouldn't go into a relationship... my eight characters r destinied to hurt others... haiz... my frens are leaving me one by one... gd for them... i shouldn't hurt them anymore...haiz...
guess i am back to the old me again... realli hope she will come back from japan... and cheer me up... NONONO... i shouldn't hurt her too... haiz... so lonely...
----casilda... i am realli deeply sry for all those times i hurt u... sunimaseh... i shouldn't have say all those things... srysrysry...-----
posted by TSUBASACHRIS @ 11:00 PM
lol... such violent REACTIONS i get for that post... *shake head* wat can i do to make u understand???
U DO ALL THOSE FUKING THINGS OUT THERE AND TELL ME EACH OF THEM IN DETAIL U EXPECT ME NOT TO GET ANGRY??? OR EVEN ANNOYED??? WHO DO U THINK I AM?? SUPER NICE GUY...
MAYBE U REALLI THINK I DUN GIV A DAMN... AND I TELL U.... I GIVE ALL THOSE THINGS SUCH A BIG DAMN... EVERY TIME I PAST A TEMPLE OR WAT... I WOULD ALWAYS PRAY FOR U... EVEN IN THE NEW YEAR... I PRAY NTH TO MYSELF... AND PRAY THAT U WILL BE HAPPY AND AS BUBBLY AS EVER... WAT DO I GET... MORE DETAILS OF FUKING THINGS U DO OUT THERE.....
I BLAME U OF COS... WHO WUN... U GO THINK BOUT THAT URSELF... PUT URSELF IN MY SHOES... WAT WILL U HAVE DONE... HUH??? I BLAME U JUZ FOR THIS WHILE... AND I NEVER DID IT ANYMORE.. CAN??? IT'S THE EXAM... CAN I JUZ RELAZ... NO I CAN'T...
DID U EVER PUT URSELF IN MY SHOES... SAYING I HAVE CHANGE... SAYING U HAVE PATCH WITH ADAM... SAYING LOTS OF THINGS WHICH U OWNSELF SHOULDN'T EVER SAY... AND I 4GIV ALL OF THEM...
FUKING BITCHES... TO HELL WITH ALL OF U... U REALLI THINK I ENJOY BLAMING U???
I NOE I AM AT FAULT TOO... BUT CAN'T U TELL ME IN THE FACE WAT I HAVE DONE WRONG??? OR AM I THE SORT THAT I DUN ACCEPT FAILURES???? I AM A VICTIM... AND SO R U... AND THERE U R... TRYING TO RUN AWAY AND NOT SOLVE THIS BLOODY MESS U CREATE... TO HELL WITH ALL THOSE CHANGED THINGS...
AND DUN U GO AND SAY... K LA K LA... ALL BLAME ME... I AM AT FAULT... I AM AT FAULT...
AND AFTER THAT... GO AND COMPLAIN A LOT DAMN THINGS TO UR FRENS.... SINCE U SAY U R AT FAULT SO BE IT... AND TOK NO MORE...
------------------------------------------------
ok... end of frustration period... gotta study le... juz come back from arcade... see the nid to post this... hehehehe... kz... cya ppl...
P>S> maybe i am such a fool to fall in love with u... but i gladly do so no matter how many times i am given the chance to change my decision...
posted by TSUBASACHRIS @ 10:24 PM
been slping lately... dun wan to wake up...
every minute in my *wake up* state is torture to me... i dun wan to wake up... yet... do i have a choice...
----the onie one who can give me so much agony is u----
maybe ppl change... they change and say they never change... some say they have change when their heart denys the change... some realli said that they have change and they admit to it... heart and all...
did i change??? erm... that would be something i dunno...my temper...unchanged...
how i deal with ppl...unchanged...
the u inside my heart...unchanged and would never change...
the u in front of my eyes... changing...
maybe i realli change... maybe i haven change... dunno...dun care!!!
haha... ur favourite sentence...
----do u ever noe that every action of u affects me???----
yeah... we can't be together anymore...haiz... no matter how many times i think of u in a dae... no matter how many times that i think back to the daes we R together...
sometimes... i realli think of u in a bad way... like...
maybe u r together with me because u wan to be loved... wan to feel that u r loved... den after i have outlive my usefulness... u juz leave me...
maybe... u treat me as a fool... maybe u think that i am someone which u can fool about with...
maybe...lots of things...
BUT NO MATTER WAT I THINK... THE ANSWERS AT THE BACK WILL ALWAYS BE THE SAME....
SO WAT??? LET HER FOOL ME... LET HER USE ME... I DUN CARE... AS LONG AS I LOVE HER... I DUN CARE ANYTHING ELSE...
fool... maybe love does make u stupid... yeah... i am now so foolish...
to wait for a woman not worthly of me waiting...
to love a woman not worthly of me loving her... even to a point that i can do anything for her...
so ppl blame u for all this... those who noe... u can say u dun care... but i am sure u care... u care so much... u should ask urself y u r getting all this...
haiz... no point anyway... since ppl do realli blame u....and since u feign ignorance... and try to live with it... there u are... escaping from all this again...
nvm... i will bear all that comes out of it... but can i???
-------------------------------------------------------
exams le... my maths haven study... been studying AEL... haiz... as i have said... dun expect me get A... wun happen one... i think i most get B... aiya... i also dun mind... me getting B... gd luk to anyone who having exams...er... i think i should say this to myself... LOLSZ
posted by TSUBASACHRIS @ 8:12 PM
Thursday, February 09, 2006
life emoticon
life emotion can be lot of things... for me it is full of sadness...
nevertheless i will always try to find happiness in the small amt of life i hav... no matter if it is sad or wat... but if u r crying or so sad... being able to smle take a great amt of courage... and after smiling... try laughing... after it... look at afar... lots of things can be 4gotten and ppl can be 4 given...
i always feel a person has 2 sides... one being very gd... the other being very bad... or should i say... if u r having a very gd character at the beginning... because of some impact or wat... u will become very bad... as bad as u r gd...
so if u r in a the middle... den no matter how u change... u wun become the villian of the year...
well... i dunno bout me... 4giving me for praising myself... i think i have a gd personality now... and i trying my utmost to not become as bad as i am gd...
for alot of things... this theory can be used... i dun wanna say too much....
after sch todae... it was like raing like hell... and i have to make my way to plaza be4 i can go home... wa... so hungry... and so cold... luckily met my fren on the way to plaza... and he has an umbella... he and his fren sharing... so i cannot join them... so when going home... i tell them to hold my bag and i take off my slippers... and juz run like hell all the way back home... muz be a nice sight... hehehe...
dun go and blame others... if u realli wanna blame some1... blame me...
posted by TSUBASACHRIS @ 10:44 PM
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
-_-
tsubasaed chris...
meaning... i who have been "winged"...
winged??? meaning...???
i dun even wanna noe... i feel like i have been torned up to bits and pieces...
y??? i dun even noe...
haha...i realli wan to juz skip out of this... it realli hurts a lot... hurts till when u wanna cry... u will start laughiing...
strange...
my wings have cause u to be so warm... soso warm... to the extent of hot... i noe this will happen... but...
u speak to me todae... i was like... on cloud nine... i dunno y i feel like that... i was too stunned to ans proberly... i dunno... den i feel like the pain in my heart is temporialy gone...
such impact... i dunno... the memory pieces of u that is left in my heart... i keep it close... so close... i wanna lock it up and 4ever seal it... i dun wan it to be destroyed... i dun wan... everydae... i can juz look at those pieces of memory... den i will say... lets wait for another dae... on and on... telling myself over and over... i dun feel tired... as long as it is remain in my heart... never tired...
k le... stop thinking... i dun wanna put it into my brain and spoil my test tomolo...
signed~off~~~
tsubasachris~~
posted by TSUBASACHRIS @ 11:15 PM
Saturday, February 04, 2006
relax....
there r times when i may juz went bonkers... the last few daes are the best examples... i dun even noe wat i was thinking about... -__-'''
been doing some serious thinking over the hrs in the afternoon... i wasn't wrong when i say i wanna give up... cause i realli nid a rest... but after wat that have happen... i feel even more strongly that i should wait and juz see wat will happen...
---tests all over the sky----> making me wanna punch them out of my face---
---troubles all over the place--- making me wanna juz jump into the sea---
if u r reading this... i wan u to stop neglecting me... i hate ppl who juz ignore my existance... insult me in my face... or else... dun even let me hear it... i not objecting to insults... but i dun wanna hear it from someone which i put all my heart and soul into... it makes me so helpless...
after the conversation with my frens... i noe wat mistakes i have make in the past... and wat i should do to avoid making them again...
maybe things are not wat it seem... maybe all is nth but a big misunderstanding... but i wan u to make it clear to me...
so i am still here waiting.... waiting for one of the 2 answers...
1.(be together again...)
2.(stop waiting...)
there can be many other more ans.... the decision maker is u... and u always...
posted by TSUBASACHRIS @ 12:48 AM
Thursday, February 02, 2006
haiz...
till todae... den i realised how easily sastified i can be... if i can be with the one i love... and i can talk happily with her... no matter if they are making fun of me... i feel that the dae isn't so bad at all...
i had enough of the negliance... i wan stop... i realise i have been shouting at the rooftop more often... losing my temper more easily over something stupid... worrying like siao when i heard she may be sad or wat....
all this over a girl??? i dun believe i will sank so low into this relationship...
i dun even wan to think bout her...
i feel like i am a girl... juz silently waiting... not doing anything... try to tell some of my frens bout this... ignoring the insults i may get... more concern on how i am going to emerge from this mess without having to hurt her... but den suddenly i feel... wat if i abandon her and juz go... i will be letting her down... i dun wan to do that...
i am desperatly struggling... struggling for breath... i am tired... so emotionally tired that i can't even summon any energy to juz try and think more about it...
my fren and me tok bout her... i was in 2 minds... one part is furiously agreeing on wat he said... the other... silently denying the facts...
i have enough of her... dun even wanna be near her when i can help it... i nid a rest... i deserved it...
our group is seperating... going our seperate ways... because of we 2... i am so afraid of this happening... i have been warned this may happen... but...
last time... i still make weak movements to resist to the seperation... but... now... i juz feel... let it be ba... since i am the onie one who cares... and she is running away further from me...
i remember writing in this very blog that i have been in a race... trying to follow u and run to u... yet... no matter how i try... i find that i can onie juz grap air... i can't even touch u... i run faster... u speed up... i slowed down... u too slowed down... it is as if u are taunting me... and i feel that i am such a fool... i am tired... realli tired... though i am walking now... i dunno when i will stop and juz let u go...
struggling for a decision... i dun even noe wat to do... one part says... juz leave her alone... the other part... continue running... u will reach her...
but will i??? preservance will not get u anywhere...
when there is a will...there will be a way... this dun suit me too...
i still believe u can call out my name...
in ur dearest memories... do u remember loving me???
no... i should ask... do u even remember me???
tired.... miserable.... weeks upon weeks of mounting disappointment...
guess... i will have to let u go... i have no choice... NO CHOICE AT ALL... nth i do seems to move u... and i dun seem to have any more energy to do anything anymore... i am so tired.... tired...
tired...tired...tired...tir..................................
posted by TSUBASACHRIS @ 10:11 PM
haiz
daes passed.... am i still waiting???
seconds passed...am i being a fool???
it is one thing to be disappointed...
another thing to be uncertain...
an another thing to be foolish...
yet when all this things come into me and form as one... i feel infintely helpless and down.... am i being a fool???
uncertainity washed over me everytime i try to think of her... i dun even noe wat to do... except to sliently wait... silently praying for her safety...silently wishing for her happiness...
but can't i do something more??? i doubt i can... every time i try to do something... her actions will discourage me...
----is our love onie over the internet???-----
cold actions...
conscutive negliance
insults...
do i deserve that???
maybe i realli deserve it...
-----daes passed... tears on the face drys....-----
-----seconds passed...scars of the heart appears...-----
maybe she is realli gone... gone where??? i dunno...
the change in her pains me... yet... i can't seem to do anything... WHY???
am i as useless as i thought i was???
or am i simply....juz foolish????
things may have happen... incidents may have passed...
yet i will never forget the dae when u can still laugh with me...
posted by TSUBASACHRIS @ 2:20 AM